As a mom sometimes the hardest thing for me is to keep MY emotions about their situation hidden from them. There is a time and a place to display these. Sometimes you need to let them know how you feel and other times it will just make the situation harder for them. As parents we really need to encourage our kids and let them know that they can trust us with those feelings and we won't react inappropriately. I remind myself that as they get older we need to let them deal with their own emotions and just be there to help them understand the emotions and learn how to navigate them. We are NOT to deal with their emotions FOR them.After having one of these conversations recently I was reflecting back on how I felt about what was said. To be honest it was really hard because I really wish that my son didn't feel the way he feels and I wonder what is causing it. Is it something that happened recently? Does it stem way back when his dad and I were divorced? Is it the circumstances we are in? Is it puberty? I'm not even sure if he knows. I so badly want to help but during the conversation I had to really be careful what I said. With teens if you react with too much caring and try to smother them with love....they will pull back. If you don't show enough care or interest in what was discussed.....they will pull back. I think this is where the way that you have treated them over the course of time plays a huge part. I know that my husband and I have always shown and told our kids how much we love them. We make it clear that we always want them.
As I was thinking about this and feeling like a bad parent I thought about how I wish things were and even how I thought things were in my world of thinking. I was thinking about how I want things to be and who I want them to be like etc. In the middle of my reflection on myself and the situation God stepped in and gently reminded me that He is the one that created them and gave them to me. Then He took me back to a blog I wrote in 2010 on something very similar and showed me:
All children are born with giftings. For visualization's sake, think of it as a bag of tools that come with them. We did not pack that bag or decide what the bag would contain. God made these decisions right? (For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. - Psalm 139:13) God has a plan for each child and though parents have much influence over their child, I know that there are certain things you just can't make your child like or dislike etc. http://glrobertson.blogspot.com/2010/05/children.html
To this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps. -1 Peter 2:21
He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked. -1 John 2:6
What then can we as parents do? We pray and encourage them to pray and we continue to be there when they need us and give advice when they ask etc.
Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. - Mark 11:24
Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. -John 14:13
We show them Jesus over and over again until they go to Him on their own. We lead by example like Jesus did. We can't control what goes on but we can help to equip them to know who to go to and what to do when situations arise.
Lord, I thank you for the blessings you have given me in my children. I lift them to you and surrender the control that I thought that I had. I ask You to give them wisdom and strength to deal with the situations that will come. I ask You to put a hedge of protection around them to protect them from hurt, harm and illness. I ask that You guard their hearts and save them until the time that you would have them share it with the one you have for them. I ask that you would soften their hearts so that they can feel Your love and that You long for a relationship with them. I pray this in Jesus name. Amen!
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